My mind is all wrapped up in the idea of performing. It's a drug. It has seeped into my veins and taken a hold once again. It's almost like an addiction I can't shake. Stronger than any substance or liquid courage a person can go to therapy for.
The thrill of the adrenaline rush. The junkie within wants to do things normal people wouldn't do. I want to take a chance at some thing even though I may fail at it. I want to be better than the person next to me. I want to get that callback and I want to flirt with the fact that I may see myself on stage for the rest of my life.
Reality, in those instances don't take hold of me. The insults of mediocrity seem to drip off of me like water off of oil. I'm untouchable, unstoppable, and emotionally stable.
mmm, then it hits moments after...
"why don't you go to college for a grown up career"
"Why, Sam is a little weird."
"Well, at least Steven is going for a real job"
"Sam your so dumb."
"Really?!"
Wow, how quickly one can be brought down to the realistic, backstabbing, dream crushing, world. How influenced I am to live a life that blends me into the society. I mere robot with no feeling of her own.
Ugh...
If I end up in a job that pays well and has me in a cubical you have permission to walk into my office and shoot me.
Unless I work in an office that has a Dwight Shrute, a Jim Halpert, a Micheal Scott, and a Kevin. In that case, it's totally worth living for.
I can relate to this post a lot. For me it was,
ReplyDelete"Oh, I'm a photographer too."
"Sure, it's easy to push a button."
"Well, at least Patty has a real job."
"You'll never make money doing that."
Maybe they're all right, but it's still who I am. I don't think you should change who you are either. You could easily do something else, but you probably won't get that same rush doing anything else.
...And the Office rules.
Sam, in those moments the only thing to do is relish in the fact that those people probably aren't doing what they love. In the end you will be the one contented with life, living for jesus, acting things out with the talent God gave you. You can do whatever you want.
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